PERFECT COVER’: The Elephant In The Room Breaks Her Silence*

R.VanWagoner
7 min readAug 20

A Short Fable

Photo by Inbetween Architects Jerome Charignon on Unsplash

“You’ve ignored me for too long. No one here addressed me. You didn’t ask my opinion, but I don’t care. I’ve sat in this room in silence for years. I’m angry and won’t keep quiet any longer.”

WTF? The chatter suddenly grows quiet as caucus members look around and realize the Elephant in the room is speaking; she’s saying something — to them. They can’t all be imagining it, and now they can’t ignore her. The Elephant is addressing them, in English, with real words strung together in complete sentences that make sense. That’s something even the face of the party and leading candidate for president can’t do.

Let’s hear what she has to say, the minority leader says.

“You embarrass us. We are ashamed to be seen as a symbol of your party, which is next to dead. What’s left is a decomposing body politic infested with maggots that include most of you in this room.”

Did the Elephant just say what we think she said?

Caucus leaders look around the room and at each other, thinking the same thing:

She’s not going to let us continue ignoring her. How are we going to get the Elephant out of the room. She’s huge. She must weigh three or four tons. We can’t make her leave if she is determined to stay. It’s been 50 years since we’ve been forced to address an elephant in the room, and it was a much smaller elephant. What did they do back then?

“You stand for little more than the whims of your twice-impeached cult leader. If you could be honest with yourselves, which you demonstrably cannot, you’d acknowledge he destroyed the party’s conservative brand and any claim that you are the party of fiscal responsibility and law and order. Racism and other forms of bigotry run rampant — and freely — in your party. You would admit his presidency was a disaster for the country and its allies around the world. He now faces 91 felony counts in four separate indictments for a vast criminal organization he led to destroy democracy in America and overturn the 2020 election, among other serious crimes against the citizens who were lucky enough to survive his catastrophic response to Covid.”

R.VanWagoner

Exercising my right not to remain silent. Criminal defense and First Amendment attorney.